He stubborn, closes himself up, takes offense at innocent jokes, scandals with the teacher ... And sometimes he asks such questions that we, the parents, are just at a loss: what happens to our own krovino, has she really grown up?
Closer to ten years, the child begins a period which psychologists call the Rubicon. This is the line between the baby, confident that parents, and indeed all adults, are certainly the most intelligent and authoritative creatures, and a teenager. At this time, friendship becomes especially significant, interest in assessing people's qualities is increasing, and there is a craving for independence. Cute kids learn to look from the outside on their own and our actions. Moreover (what a horror!), They even criticize us adults!
The time of occurrence of these changes for each child individually. Some children begin to surprise their parents at the age of nine. In others, growing up declares itself to the age of ten or twelve.
Fathers and Sons
Do not panic if your "gentle baby" suddenly says: "Grandma, shut your mouth," your sister will call a sheep, and your mother will say: "I want it, and I do it."Or in a softer form: "Mom, what are you repeating to me, I'm not a moron." It is important not to get lost and not to frighten a little rude lips with a fright.
To do this, firstly, stock up with valerian (this is, of course, a joke, but you will need angelic patience). Secondly, remember that you need to monitor both your appearance (the child meticulously examines how you look) and your speech (discard words-demands, an orderly tone, disregard for "childish nonsense").
Although coping with emotions is sometimes really difficult. "You are a mother, you look thirty-five, although you are thirty-two, but Ritina is a mother, on the contrary, she looks twenty-eight, and she already imagines thirty-seven!" What woman will calmly carry such a message? But you should not be upset. It turns out that children tend to "age" their own parents. Even the youngest mother’s daughter is perceived to be more adult and solid than other women.
Children often compare parents with each other. This is what one mom heard about herself from her son and daughter: "When we tell the school what kind of mother we have at school, that you do not scold us and know how to bake pizza, everyone wants such a mother.And Ira has such a mother that the girl is afraid to say a word to her. When Ira does her homework, mom stands over her with a baton, she swears all the time, she puts her two in a corner, it's good that you're not like that. "
Our merits and our mistakes are analyzed in the most meticulous way. And if you are little involved in children, are restrained in emotions or sometimes lie, they will give you their assessment: "Look, mom, that dad won, you must walk with children. And there is no time for us, he is always at work."
Children question your truths. “Dad said he would be at five o'clock,” Mom says. “Mom, don't you know dad,” the daughter replies with reproach.
But on the other hand, the ten-year-old child is still small in the soul. Your attention, love and care are important to him. And so that they sometimes took me in my arms, and kissed me on the cheek, and stroked my head. Surprisingly, at this age, children are even more keenly jealous of parents for younger brothers and sisters, for work, friends, and each other.
What to do? - Get some rules.
The first. Every evening, at least ten minutes to spend by the child's bed. And it is better if mom and dad alternate. You can devote this time to discussing what the child cares about at the moment: how people choose their profession, work, their future spouse, how they make money, how they give birth, bring up children, why they quarrel, how they reconcile,why there are poor and rich ... If you don’t add up with conversations, you can simply read the child’s favorite book (it doesn’t matter that the baby knows how to do it herself) or tell stories from the series, "When I was little ..."
The second. At least five times a day to hug or caress a child. This again applies to both parents.
Third. In no case be ironic about appearance, sympathy, falling in love, friends.
Fourth. You can not treat a child as a young child: grab an armful, shake "friendly". This is a disrespectful attitude towards the individual.
Parental care and teacher credibility
It is time for parents to learn to restrain their natural impulse to patronize and control. For a whole decade, you were calmly allowed to tie a necklace with a scarf, and now: "Take this old-fashioned scarf!" Caring: "Look, cross the road carefully pass," will receive in response - "You repeat it ten times more." Call on duty from work: "Have you eaten? Why aren't you doing homework?" will cause a storm of protest: "Mom, well, how much you can ask the same thing, I'm sick of it." Themselves to blame, again forgot that the child is already an adult! Moreover, if at the age of eleven he is flexible, obedient, does not try to take the first steps towards independence, this should alarm you.Such a quietly nudge to independent actions and decisions. Let him pick up golf to jeans, calculate the time for homework, decide whether to wash his hair, do not forget to pour violet. And even if he makes a mistake a couple of times, do not rush to direct and control. Learn to trust.
At this time, the most indisputable authority of teachers is being questioned. If in elementary school I had to say Irina Petrovna that you need to retreat five cells between homework and class work, then no force would force your child to challenge this truth. But now ... the children seemed to contradict, struggling to show that they had become adults. They finally notice that the teacher is an ordinary person and can make mistakes too. Now they see and hear what they had not noticed before: the teacher’s “old-fashioned” hairstyle, unevenly tucked collar, nasal voice. Not only see, but also gives an estimate. And if a child condemns the teacher’s behavior because of his maximalism, he may fall into a spirit of contradiction. This happens more often with boys. They start making noise in the classroom, defiantly disobey, are rude, refuse to attend classes.In the diary of a son, parents are confused by the “confusion” of behavior and school calls. It is quite difficult to understand the situation. The main thing - do not blame only the child. As a rule, the teacher is not working here either.
Clothes, friends, money
Everything related to appearance, becomes the subject of special attention. Pointed boots can become dusty in the closet for weeks just because one of my friends laughed about their shape. “Nobody wears such a hairstyle”, - and the daughter refuses to wear the cutest pigtail. But it is worth classmates approve the choice, and the boots become loved, hairstyle - successful. Well, we have to put up with the fact that our opinion with you is no longer the most important. Do not be surprised to hear in your address:
"Oh, in this suit, you are so stylish, mommy!" Or "This skirt is terrible. Put on that black one."
It is better to take note, perhaps for the troubles you forgot about your appearance.
If you talk to your child more often, you will notice that he often uses the word "friend." Their opinion is the most significant, and quarrels with them are the most gigantic tragedies in children's life. And it will be wrong to explain to the child that this is a trifle, and tomorrow everything will be fine.Remember yourself in childhood, tell a case when you quarreled with your friend that you experienced. Talk to an adult about why sometimes people can not agree that their desires are contradictory, and therefore there is a quarrel. Friendship tragedies are more common in girls. With boys easier. “He’s my friend again, although we fought yesterday,” a son can tell you.
But they often compare themselves with other children: “He has a briefcase from Holland,” “Many boys have rapper pants,” “He has the most powerful and expensive computer, he has everything, he even thinks he’s so cool, our new one” . A child may ask you: "Why are we so poor? Why does Dima often get to cafes and movies, but I don’t?", "Why did my grandmother buy me cool sneakers, but you didn’t buy me?" Or vice versa: "We bought so much food in the supermarket - it barely got into the basket! We are rich, right?"
How difficult it is to answer such questions. After all, our very theme of money will cause deep and contradictory feelings. In this case, do not pull away and feel wounded. Have patience and tell your child about your earnings, explain how the family budget is distributed.And be sure, the child will understand you and will not reproach that you have “no money” or whimsically ask for “give me a mother.” It is just as important to explain why your family has more wealth than a friend’s family. that neither a friend nor his family is any worse.
Love and family
Almost all girls and many boys have secret attachments. Therefore, the parent's grunt about this, which a year ago would have been accepted by loud laughter, now hurts deeply. Be especially attentive to tender feelings: what is fleeting for you is the most intimate thing for the little “Rubicon”.
For them, the topic of family life becomes curious. They discuss it among themselves, and if they are lucky, they will honor you with a question: "Mom, does it hurt to give birth? Katina mom told her that it was very painful." What to say? You can not deceive: "No, even nice!", But also frighten: "Oh, zh-zhasnye torment!" - also not. Answer something like this: "It hurts, but it is not a dangerous pain. After all, when it hurts you, you suffer more from fright, something is wrong in the body. And childbirth is a normal process, not a disease."
Get ready, the children can ask about the most intimate: "Mom, do you and dad have sex?" Take a deep breath and answer the truth.Calmly, with a smile, so that the child has a feeling: the sexual relations of a husband and wife are a natural component of love for each other. Do not forget: they have to grow up, love, marry, have sex, have children. And you are laying the groundwork for this.
Children think a lot about the criteria for masculinity and femininity.
Zhenya often asks about men:
- Does he know how to fight well? Well, is he generally strong?
With his ten-year-old sister, he talks for a long time on the topic "what kind of wife I will have."
- I would like her to be gentle, affectionate and kind. I want, of course, that my wife was a beautiful blonde, but not like in that film - a stupid blonde.
His wife is impressed by the girls weak, soft, the complete opposite of his character brisk, lively, truly "boy-boy." Girls also create an image of their future chosen one. And sculpt it from what they see and hear around. “Men are dirty all the time, everything gets dirty and scattered, but it’s also impossible without them,” these ten-year-old Dasha clearly borrowed from her mother’s repertoire.
At this age, the boys are approved in force. We are horrified to meet his son with bruises or abrasions.We do not want him to fight, and yet it is very important for them. Vitya, up to nine years old, was afraid of the boys from his yard, they were chasing him. He kept asking his mother to meet him after school. On the advice of his parents, the boy started boxing. And once, for the first time, he fought off his pursuers, got involved in a fight and won.
Adults need to see the line where it is possible to prohibit, and where to allow the child to protect themselves. It's good that parents helped Vita with the help of the section to solve an important problem.
Girls study their awakening femininity with curiosity. Try on sequins, false nails, try her mother's makeup, spinning in front of a mirror. It is important for parents, especially fathers, to treat their daughter as a little woman. Live with the thought: "My daughter is a princess," and then she will be on the throne all her life.
How does this happen
It should be borne in mind that in all their independent undertakings, children now invest so much emotion and pressure that you should not try to compete with them in force. You just need to know: they will criticize anyone, but not themselves - this is their age. And to respond to the pressure of protest or resentment.
In democratic families, where the child is allowed to have an opinion, this period is less painful. In families where there are a lot of taboos, where the typical statements are: “They don’t judge about adults”, “It’s embarrassing to talk about it”, “This topic is not subject to discussion”, parents need to understand, reacting this way to the first shoots of growing up, they only harm the child.
It says your fear. By your inhibitions, you "block the oxygen" to the child, transfer your fear, anxiety and depression to it. Where there is "no", there most want. Children begin to make “protest actions”: on orders to eat soup or redo an exercise, cry, lock themselves in a room. During this period, the installation statement: "all wrong, and I am right" for them is typical.
What to do?
- Do not create a life for the child from the infinite "no". Pressure on your part can lead to physical illnesses, such as gastritis or asthma.
- Do not make comments when you are very tired, at the time of failures and depressions, watch yourself, rarely raise your voice. - It's time to change habits. Do not push, you need an adult conversation on equal terms.
- Remember that the time of your absolute control has passed, you cannot get anywhere, the child grows - you need to "let go of the leash."
- Take time to learn about friends and problems of the child, in informal communication.
- Acknowledge that in some ways the criticism of our heirs is correct.
- Do not go on about the child and their impulsivity, take a pause.
- Explain the situation in the family, distribute assignments.
- Remember: to be for the child "idol" all his life is impossible, and not necessary.
The child seemed to have changed
The child seemed to have changed
The child seemed to have changed
The child seemed to have changed
The child seemed to have changed